Who are you?
What type of person are you? Are you being true? It is what you do when no one is watching that determines your true self. When you are alone, behind those closed doors, when none is around that's the true person that you are. If you have to hide who you are then you are not being true to the people in your life, you are not being the true you.
Who Are You?
Your highlight reel doesn't match behind the scenes, your words are not matching the credits, your life is not Hollywood though you try to make it seem.
Why hide? Be the person whom you want to be.
Your ego means nothing, your credit it shot, you are not true if you have to hide to get what you got!
It is time for you to choose, who are you?
You will never be able to move on being another person, it's time to choose, win or loose.
Be the true you!
Who are you?
“If you don't know who you truly are, you'll never know what you really want.”
― Roy T. Bennett
By Philana Yvette
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. ~ Leo Tolstoy
As I was washing dishes one of my dogs started barking, and would just not stop! I opened my kitchen window and yelled out for him to hush. Just as I did this my little cousin whom is 3 years old said, "What's the problem!"
I responded, "I don't know Mia. He barks at everything, and it's way to early for that."
Mia looks at me, props her elbow on my cabinet, and say's, "Dogs bark! It's what they do."
As I stood there looking at her I didn't truly understand what she was saying, but yet I agreed. I stopped telling Cornbread, my dog, to hush, and instead focused on washing the dishes.
I didn't think anything else about it until a few days ago when Cornbread came to the door barking for a treat. "I'm coming Cornbread! Cornbread hush! I'm coming! Why can you not bark like Wally, (my other dog)" I said.
As I was kneeling down getting treats out, I heard Itty Bitty Mia's voice in my head..."Dogs Bark! It's What They Do."
So I stopped telling Cornbread to hush and gave him and Wally their treats. I mean after all it was treat time. So hey, maybe he was just making sure I didn't forget...lol.
I guess in a way that can apply to people and relationships also. We do what we do. We are who we are, and unless we want to change yelling at us and trying to force change will not work.
We can't make people change their habits, values, or lifestyle. Sometimes we think we know what’s best for others, but if we’re honest with ourselves we’ll likely realize we want people to change when we simply don’t feel satisfied being in a relationship with them as they are. I’m not talking about people who are violent, dangerous to themselves, or in any way abusive. No one should ever feel bound to an unhealthy situation by the ideas of unconditional love and acceptance. But I'm speaking to your average person that has various quirks and interests that makes them unique.
We should and can appreciate them for all their unique quirks, interests, and preferences. You want a change? Change yourself! That's right. Change your reaction toward them. Stop trying to change others and just accept them the way they are. Either appreciate and accept those in your life for who they are, or let them go.
Now of course more often then not when I tell my dogs to hush or be quite they do, but now, well now, I will accept the fact that every squirrel, butterfly, bug, and even a bag in the wind will be barked at simply because it's who they are and what they do.
Dogs Bark! It's What They Do ~ Mia Lyttle
“Adversity is like a strong wind. I don't mean just that it holds us back from places we might otherwise go. It also tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that afterward we see ourselves as we really are, and not merely as we might like to be.”
Trials, disappointments, sadness, sickness, and heartaches--ADVERSITY!!!
Much to my dismay adversity is a part of life that we all must experience. Trials in times of sickness, death, and/or by the doings of others all have found their way to my door on many occasions. For none of us are exempt.
All I could do was ask, "WHY!"
"Why does this have to happen to me?!"
"Why do I have to suffer?!"
"Especially when I was not in the wrong!"
"Why, why, why??!!!??" I screamed!
I became trapped. Trapped in an emotional take over that I will refer to as the "Why Me Trap". Unfortunately once again I fell into it.
You see, I'm an emotional person that doesn't take to well to being emotionally hurt. I'm very guarded when it comes to my emotions, and I may at times seem to be without them. I would rather feel the sting of a paper cut then have someone hurt me. I don't like crying, and I try my best not to do it. And when someone hurts me hard I erase them from my life. I get rid of everything about them, and I mean everything. Pictures, clothes, notes, whatever, it all goes. And if I'm not real close to their friends even they go. Yes, eventually in time I get around to forgiving them but they will still be erased from my life.
Earlier this year I experienced yet another adversity in my life. But this time I did something different. I didn't erase the person. I will admit that at first I did give into the "Why Me Trap." You know the why did this have to happen to me and such. But when they asked for my forgiveness, at first I thought…
"Forgive you, you who has now become one of those people!"
"Forgive you who has made me ache!"
"You who has made me suffer and got me all torn up!"
" Forgive you!"
"The one who has done this inner damage to my heart!"
But yet I said, "Yes." How could I have not said yes. They are here staring at me and looking into my eyes asking for true forgiveness. What type of person would I be to hold something like that against them. Yes, I will, I had to, and thus I did. "Yes," I will forgive you.
That made me think of how I would love to do that to those whom I have hurt. It was such an enlightenment to me. Wouldn't it be nice to go to the person that you have offended and caused to experience adversity and just say I'm sorry please forgive me. And then they say, "Yes, I will forgive."
And then the hurt, brokenness, and pain are gone! Well, we all know it doesn't work that way, but we can use these experiences as lessons to learn from.
I didn't delete that person out of my life. I wanted them to stay, and I'm so glad I did. By responding differently I felt that I got stronger on the inside as well as on the outside. I found out that I was asking the wrong question. I should've been asking the question of what instead of why.
"What is it that I'm to learn from this?"
"What do I need to change?"
"What do we need to do in order to move on?"
I never thought that a small word such as WHAT would be helping me in overcoming adversity.
While we learn how to overcome adversity and steer away from the "Why Me Trap," we should keep in mind that we are not perfect, and that adversity is just a part of life. I wish you all fulfillment as you continue to work on your emotional strength and courage.
You've heard of the saying, "Hurt people, hurt people."
Well I say…."Forgiven people, forgive people" ~ PhiLana Yvette
"If you are a junkyard dog, you assume that that's what life is: chained up, barking all day."
"There are two sides to every chain" is all I heard as I turned on my radio. I wished I heard more, but I guess that's all I needed. I started to think more about it, and agreed with it. It's true. There are two sides to every chain. There is you, and at the other end is the thing you are chained to.
Chains are nothing more than tools that can be used for a multitude of situations and circumstances. They can be used to bind, limit, control and restrain us.
When I heard the short snippet on the radio I thought about the mental and emotional chains that binds us, also about the power that these chains have over us. I believe that many of us are living with these chains. Past traumatic events, intense emotions, thoughts, food, materials and much more can bind us. I believe that at some point in your life you have or will be bounded to something.
The question is, "Do you know what you are chained to?"
While thinking about my chains, my past came up and it was clear that I've had some traumatic and emotional events in my life. Those events left me bound tightly, chained, and secured in deep, dark places. Sure the past can be a hard place to look at, but what we can do is just think about it, and move on. The thing about being chained to something is that wherever you go, it goes. It follows you everywhere….You wake up, it's there; using the restroom, it's there; go to work, oh yes it's there too. Your chains will follow you. Some of us have more than one chain, and our chains are so loud that others can hear us coming. Our chains are strong and may even multiply, these chains will have you thinking that they will never go away.
DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE!!! They can be broken, you can be free, it happened for me. I had many strong, thick, dark, emotional, mental, and even physical chains in my life that I thought I would never be able to shake. These chains have been blasted, broken, and destroyed from my life, and I'm here to tell you that the same can be done for you! Be encouraged and know that you are a caterpillar awaiting your transformation into your final form! You are beautiful, you have purpose in life, and you are loved! Don't change yourself to fit in, embrace your uniqueness, weirdness, whatever makes you you, be you without apology! You can and will rise above the chains that hinder you from being the butterfly you are created to be! How long will you allow your chains to drag behind you, don't you want to be free?
If you have chains in your life that are holding you back, or keeping you from reaching your full potential and enjoying your life the way you were meant to, than its time….LET THEM GO! Time to soar above the clouds and accept the past for what it is—history! Accept what has happened, learn from it, and grow! It's a waste of energy to let the past distract you from your present and steal from your future! Be free and transform to your Final Form!
I pray that you endure, never give up, and learn to drop those chains and go fly you beautiful butterfly!
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A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault. ~John Henry Newman
"Who in their right mind spends so much time tediously and carefully folding fitted bed sheets?!" I thought. "Why in the world do I care so much that these darn fitted sheet edges line up so perfectly?!" "Am I going crazy?!" "Why in the world do I do this to myself?!" "What in the world is wrong with me?!" "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
As I was folding my fitted bed sheets, I realized that there was something deeper going on. I was hiding my imperfections as a person in the ritual of folding laundry. I didn't want people to notice that it wasn't perfectly folded, but then again, it's a fitted sheet!! Hello!! That's when I started thinking about the other things in my life I am doing trying to hide my imperfections.
I noticed that in an attempt to hide some of the messiness of my life, I close the doors to the bedrooms when I don't have the time to clean them. I mean, why not, a closed door hides everything. I wear a hat when I don't want to style my hair. I wear extra-long socks to hide my unshaved legs! Hey! I know I'm not the only one...LOL! And then there is the makeup! Makeup helps me "cover up" my blemishes, spots, and things I don't want others to see. Now don't go judging just yet. In my opinion wearing makeup is fine, but I realized that in the past it had become one of the biggest "cover ups" in my life. I had become a-- COVER GIRL!
This one time in the past, I remember watching videos of people putting on makeup and I was surprised--shocked at what I saw! The transformations that took place before my eyes just blew me away! They looked like totally different people. I mean, "Do they mommas even know that's them!?" Underneath all of that makeup they are hiding themselves. That's when it really hit me, so am I. I too am covering up. I'm hiding behind the makeup all of the other "not so perfect" things in my life. But check this out. One day, one day I let my "covers" fall, looked at myself, and fell in love with my imperfections.
One day I fell in love, in love with me, and I was ok with the imperfections in my life. I finally realized that I'm fine, the imperfections in my life are normal, and that I should not be afraid to show them. Yes, I still wear makeup, but just as well I go without it many times throughout the week. Because now I wear it to enhance my natural beauty and not transform into someone else. I've learned to embrace my imperfections and found out that it's what makes me whom I am.
By trying to be perfect, we hide our true beauty from both ourselves and from the world. Our imperfections are what makes us unique and special in this world. Perfection is impossible. Nothing will ever be perfect. So why do we hide, cover up, and try to present the illusion as if we are?
In the attempt to make sure that every crease, fold, and wrinkle was perfectly managed, I came to the realization that this seemingly small daily ritual was one of many small ways in which I was trying to hide the reality that I'm not perfect, have many imperfections, and am spending way to much time hiding instead of just accepting and being the perfectly imperfect woman that I was created to be. Yeah...all this from the task of folding fitted bed sheets...LOL!!!
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I've walked on glass, and as my feet bled, I kept on
I've walked on rocks, stones, and broken bricks, but still I kept on
I've walked on sandiness, pain, and shame, and not even that could stop me
I've walked to a place of which I thought I would never come back from, but yet I'm here
I've walked so much, and went a long way, but I am not done walking, because I live to walk another day
By: PhiLana Yvette 2014
I wrote that after reading this…
You must learn how to make it on the broken pieces. -Rev. Louise Williams-Bishop
I thought, "Rev! You are talking to me!" Because that's what I did! I made it on the broken pieces of life.
I picked up and placed down my feet all over the hard pieces of life and walked all over them which lead me to where I am today. Without the brokenness, the fragmented, sharp, and hard pieces in my life, I wouldn't be who I am today. And I love me.
The broken pieces, the hard and trying situations helped give me deeper knowledge, clearer understanding, and wisdom with regard to self. The broken pieces opened my eyes of awareness as to who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go. Every time that I would run into something that tried to stop me it became separated into pieces. And each time, I would pick up the pieces, examine them, lay them down, and walk all over them. Yes, it hurt! And there were times that I thought I couldn't do it, but my feet are strong and I kept on! In like manner, I'm continuing to move forward getting stronger, faster, and tougher!
If you haven't picked up those broken pieces in your life and learned to let them transform you into the final form in which you were designed to be, maybe you should try. In time, the broken pieces can be joined together to make something more beautiful!
"Life is not counted in years, it is counted in moments"
Love, a word that makes you smile and cry at the same time. This word is lovely and warm, yet, it can be scary. It's a word that we learn has multiple meanings and uses as children. I use to have a hard time with that word, love, especially when it came to self love. I'm not talking about narcissism, that's an entirely different thing, but I'm talking about accepting yourself for who you are, being comfortable with how God made you, and loving being you. That's something I couldn't do for years.
Oh yes, I liked myself, but I didn't love me. I didn't accept me for all that I am and appreciate every "scratch and dent" that made me who I am. I liked the fact that I am unique. I'm blessed with many gifts, but I wasn't satisfied that I could not master them all and be comfortable with that. I like my eyes, their color, and their shape, but my lips, well that's a different story. That was the way I felt about myself when I would stare into the mirror. I was always liking something but not loving it. But now, NOW, I'm ok with me! Even the things I didn't like, I now love. I love me! And I'm comfortable saying that. It took me a while to get to this point, and I struggled to learn how, but I truly do love me for being me.
Everyone is unique, and I had to show myself that this fact included me too. First, I had to learn how to stop comparing myself to others. It made me lose confidence. I became jealous and wished I was them. But in my comparing myself to others I learned to see and focus on my own uniqueness. I discovered and uncovered me, and found out what truly made me, PhiLana, who I am. I had to stop looking at what others had with jealousy or envy, and be grateful for what I have in my life and who I am with appreciation and gratitude. I have a job, wonderful loving people who accept all of me, a roof over my head as well as clothes on my back. You see, I learned to be grateful for what was in my life as a prerequisite to loving it. For everything in my life is apart of me and who I am.
I also had to realize that the pain that I was holding onto in my heart from the past had to go! In order to love me I had to give myself a new beginning. One filled with forgiveness, care, joy, and compassion. I had to forgive those that done me wrong as well as forgive myself. It was hard to learn to forgive, but even harder to learn to love again.
I wasn't able to give, receive, or even recognize love until all of the unprocessed and toxic feelings in my heart was removed and the mending process was completed. Once again, I had to feel the love that was inside of me, give it myself, and love me. I had to accept me for who I am, feel worthy of being loved, tell myself I am good enough even though I'm not perfect, and that I am worthy. When I learned to love me, I was also now ready to love others, and I find that this is more sweeter than the love I found for myself.
It's amazing to realize that giving love is even more sweeter and powerful than loving yourself. Loving others is what life is all about and I'm finding that this is the true reward behind all of this.
In short, in learning to become vulnerable to love, I've come to love and accept every little quirk and uniqueness that I embody. In addition, this has empowered me to be a more loving person empowered to have compassion for others and accept others for who they are! Love, I find is more powerful, beautiful, and infinite then I'll probably ever realize!
It wasn't my average Sunday, in fact, I almost felt like I had to find something to do. "What is going on, why does this feel wrong," I said to myself. It was a lackadaisical Sunday.
I don't get to relax much. Even when I don't have to work I always have something else scheduled in its place. But this time, this time there was nothing on my schedule. No work, no appointments, and the one thing I had planned to do got canceled.
At first, I planned out a full day for myself. Everything from a breakfast, a manicure, a pedicure, and shopping where all up for consideration. Why not, I deserved it! Then I thought, well I should save some money and just watch a dollar movie and catch up on some house work. But I didn't do any of that. In fact that day turned out to be an uneventful yet very relaxing day.
I will tell you that it wasn't easy taking it easy. I felt nervous. I felt like my world was ending soon. Seriously, I know it sounds crazy, but it's true. I started making a list of things that I was going to do around the house. I was going to gather up the items I thought I needed for my newly put together list just because I had nothing to do. That's when it hit me. "You know what?!" I thought. I would be complaining about having so much work if I actually had to do it, but since I don't, I should enjoy this day! I think I felt that way because it was different. It was an unfamiliar feeling having all that time alone. Eventually, I embraced it. I took a deep breath. I set my list down, and on the couch I went. The only thing I did that was remotely close to any work was that I showered and cooked. I loved it!
I realized some things about myself that day. I'm not ok with not having anything to do. For some reason, I found that it's hard for me to relax when I'm alone and I really need to learn how to deal with that. I needed that day, and I'm sure within time I will be able to take a "Me Day" more often because everyone should be able to sit around by themselves and do nothing every once in a while!
So, you have my permission to sit down, take a load off, and just enjoy the sweet feeling of peace and tranquility as you do NOTHING!!
Carolyn Harris Sparkman wrote..
"Pretty amazing...like a lot of people I know…if you stand back and look from a different angle…they aren't what they seem."
"Pretty Amazing! They aren't what they seem...," those words from my friend is the inspiration for this blog.
What she was talking about was pictures that a photographer took of various places from different angles. Like this…
The Taj Mahal
From the front it looks so beautiful, clean, pure and white, but let's look at it from another angle...
Yes, that's the same place, but from a different angle! Not so pretty, pure, and white now, huh?!
What happens when a photo is taken from another angle?
SEE FULL SITE HERE
What my friend said with relation to the article about different pictures showing various angles made me think. What if we stopped for a moment, contemplated, and considered our lives in a "wide-angle" way?
Most of us spend a lot of our time looking closely at the mirror making sure there's nothing in our teeth, that all of the stray hairs are no longer astray, and that all the moment to moment priorities are met, but rarely do we step back and consider the bigger picture. I'm talking about just stopping in the middle of the mind numbing business of life...I'm talking about stepping way back, and taking a cinematic panoramic look!
As I slide on my fictional "wide-angle" lens and look around the world, my eyes are given new site, and I'm opened and made aware of the possible angles I normally may not see. Up close everything seems perfect, in proper working order, and seems to operate the way it should. But looking wider, your life isn't as it seems. It's cluttered with work, bills, pain, and sorrow. Some people are surrounded by filth and waste, other's may be drowning in it, and all the while we don't even know it. I also learned how at times there is beauty in this muddle of a world. But the concrete of the matter is...depending on what angle you're looking at, viewing from, or showing, things aren't as they may seem.
Some of us only show the beauty. Some of us only show the nasty. And then there are those that show only certain angels of themselves and their lives depending on whatever agenda or motive they may have. There are also people that only look at the close-ups or the beauty shots. While some only can see the negatives, the deviations, the unhappiness in life, others only notice the beauty and goodness. It's all about perspective, and the angle from which you're looking.
In short, I'm not saying that one way of looking at life is the correct way. I'm just saying that we should change up the scenery once in a while and consider the millions of variations and possibilities of viewing life out there available to us. Change your angle and see how it could possibly change your world!
Just as the poet Walter de la Mare wrote in his poem "All But Blind"
Well my interpretation, there is more than one way of seeing…..
All but blind
In his chambered hole,
Gropes for worms
The four-clawed mole.
All but blind
In the evening sky
The hooded bat,
Twirls softly by.
All but blind
In the burning day,
The barn owl
Blunders on her way.
And blind as are
These three to me,
So blind to someone
I must be.
~Walter de la Mare
After all the trips, the good times, the somewhat poor eating, and moments of wasting my hard earned money, I find myself back in my regular routine. It felt so good not having to meet deadlines and be somewhere at every given moment. Yet, at the same time, I was a little nervous because my routine was off and my life wasn't being planned as it normally is. I was breaking routine, being free, and enjoying every moment of it. I was caught up in total freedom until one day I realized that my freeness was false.
As I woke up one morning in my hotel I thought that my life was wonderful and that it would be amazing if only I could live like this every day. But the more my thoughts gathered, it made me realize that it’s not real life. It's just a vacation, and an end is in sight. I thought and sighed to myself, "It's just temporary happiness which means it will soon be over." We all know that the point of vacations is to get away and enjoy some of the adventures that life has to offer that we normally don't get a chance to experience. So, there wasn't much more for me to ponder over. Therefore, I got up and set those thoughts away, and finished my vacation by being a child again.
But before I go let me just say….Thank You!!! Thanks for not forgetting me, and waiting around while I went off on my temporary life!
Take a moment and enjoy an old time summer jam that will help you say farewell to the freedom of summer as work schedules resume, school starts back, and vacations come to an end.
I just wanted to say to all of you out there that I'm Sorry. I'm sorry I haven't blogged in a while, and no, I haven't given up. I'm still here!
You see, I stay busy and don't really have time with my family. Therefore, every summer I devote every bit of my free time that I can spare to do activities with them, strengthen our bonds, and enjoy their company. I mean what is a few months out of the year? Nothing, when it comes to my family!
That is why I say that my life is getting in the way of life. It may take away from some things in my normal "hum-drum" everyday routine as well as time away from those who normally have unfettered access to me, but in the larger scheme of things, it's so worth it.
I love blogging, and I promise to you that I will try harder to make more time for it. But for now would you mind if I took just a few more weeks off...lol? Thanks everyone!!!!!! I will be back soon, and thank you for understanding.
I had been trying to get motivated into writing another blog. I have a few that I started, some that I thought about and just wasn't in the mood to start, and then there are the blogs that I have finished but felt that something is missing from them. So, as I sit with one hand on my keypad and the other on my mouse, I decided to take a mental break and see what the Facebook world was up to. Little did I know that I would find my inspiration for this blog; in fact, I wasn't even searching. As I scrolled I came across a conversation that a mother posted that she had with her son. As soon as I read it, I thought "Wow, that's so powerful!" So I read it again, and then it hit me. Wait a minute, this is a six year old, does he know what he just did to me? I was shocked that I got so much out of this conversation!
Sometimes you just have to move on, are the words that a six year old boy said to his mother.
Here is how she said that conversation went….
Mother: Son, do you want to play for this team or that team
Son: I want to play for that team
Mother: Really? All of your friends are on the other team
Son: Well, sometimes you just have to move on...
Mother: Stuck... Pretty deep for a 6 year old
Oh yes, pretty deep in deed, mother - and to your son, yes sir, sometimes you do have to move on. See, I thought I had moved on in my life but I failed to realized that wasn't true. I was just turning the page instead of closing the chapter, and now, now that I have clarity (from a six year old boy lol) I knew it was time. Those chapters in my life that I kept turning back to are, in fact, the things that were holding me back in my life. I needed to do what I do when I finish a book. It was time, time to finish the chapter, finish the book, and move on.
Obviously, learning from the past is not a bad idea, because after all, no one wants to repeat the same mistakes. I had to ask myself if it is worth holding on to those memories - the broken past? I had to deal with the pain in order to heal and then I could forgive all who caused me to hurt. It takes courage, strength, faith, self-confidence, willpower, firmness, and love to forgive. I didn't know I had all that in me. No longer was I the mark, the sufferer, the pushover, the fool, or the victim. I was no longer ashamed of what happened to me, I got my power back. Sometimes you just have to move on, true words spoken by a six year old boy.
I'm not going to try to figured out why that six year old boy said that, or what he meant by it. I know what I got out of it and that's good enough for me. I like to think that everyone can take it and put it towards their lives, even if it is different from what I got. That's the beauty in it, a six year old said it and we as adults can take it and well…move on.
Today does not signify an ending to a chapter. It signifies the beginning of a new book.
As I was listening to Whitney Houston's song "I Didn't Know My Own Strength" my eyes started to water, my head was being flooded with thoughts, my heart with joy, and I just set there and smiled. If you never heard of it, my interpretation of it….You have been through something, something that hurt you so much that you thought you wouldn't get through, and you thought that your life would be over. But you found strength, you may have fallen, you may have been on the ground but you got up. You found the strength inside and realized that you have the strength to go on, to live. The strength to survive.
As I put it on repeat, yes repeat I was really into this song, I made me some coffee and started thinking that not only can I identify with this song but with my coffee as well. "I am like a coffee bean" I thought, "When things are bad I tend to change the situation". The bean changes the water, it releases the flavor and changes, turns it into coffee. That's what I do, when something bad happens, when I'm in boiling hot water I try to change it, try to make the best out of the situation. It doesn't always work but when it does, it does.
I learned how the inner us, the us we talk to daily and wish we can sit beside of and talk to face-to-face does listen. That's the strength inside that Whitney is singing about, the strength inside just like the coffee bean, our faith. We rely on this daily and I can say that if it wasn't for it I would be in the darkness, the weakness, and the pain. And I'm not just talking about one time, but there have been plenty of times in my life where I just thought, "I can't." But then my hope, my strength, my faith helped me get out and will continue to do so.
"Nothing can dim the light which shines from within."
"We may get knocked down on the outside, but the key to living in victory is to learn how to get up on the inside."
I can be social and engaged with any number of friends, family, and people when I need to be but at the same time I get so scared, so afraid. I am afraid of letting the world into my life, I feared that I would open up so much that people will start reaching out to me and thus I would have to respond. See, most of my life I have enjoyed being what I like to call "behind the scenes". I am willing to work, help, and do what I can within my power but I don't need to be put in front of people. I don't need people to recognize me and I surly don't need a lot of attention. That stuff scares me, I get very self-conscious in front of others, I feel embarrassed, afraid, judged, I even worry for days about something, like this vendor event I just went to. I worried for days, weeks, months about this event. Knowing that I had to stand at my table, talk to people, interact with people, and do my best to get them to buy my handcrafted items, the thought made me nauseous. I knew I had to do it, I knew I wanted to do it but boy was I ever scared. I was sweating, trembling, and almost crazy the day before and of the selling. But I knew I had to do it.
"How will you ever know that you can stand up in front of them unless you do it? How will you ever know that you can be successful unless you try? How will you know if you don't give it a chance?" that was the questions I had for myself. And those questions are what made me do it. Granted the outcome of that event was wonderful and very tiring I still must keep in mind that it was only one step into overcoming this fear.
I need to give people a chance to be in my life, I need them to give me a chance to be in their lives and I need to give people in general a try. I know things will not always come out the way I would like them to be and I know that I will not always have a positive look on everything but even though I may still get nervous and even though I may still get the trembles, I will no longer let the fear hold me back.
I have to give my life a chance! I have things that I want and things that my heart needs but if I don't give in and try then those things will not come to past. I also know that I am somewhat of an introvert and there are times that I do need to be alone to "recharge my batteries" but at least I will be able to say that I did it. It is time. Time to let go of my fear, I'm giving people a chance. But if I do need time to myself please let me be :-)
Born in the city and raised in the mountains of Ky. Taking on life one day at a time!