I can be social and engaged with any number of friends, family, and people when I need to be but at the same time I get so scared, so afraid. I am afraid of letting the world into my life, I feared that I would open up so much that people will start reaching out to me and thus I would have to respond. See, most of my life I have enjoyed being what I like to call "behind the scenes". I am willing to work, help, and do what I can within my power but I don't need to be put in front of people. I don't need people to recognize me and I surly don't need a lot of attention. That stuff scares me, I get very self-conscious in front of others, I feel embarrassed, afraid, judged, I even worry for days about something, like this vendor event I just went to. I worried for days, weeks, months about this event. Knowing that I had to stand at my table, talk to people, interact with people, and do my best to get them to buy my handcrafted items, the thought made me nauseous. I knew I had to do it, I knew I wanted to do it but boy was I ever scared. I was sweating, trembling, and almost crazy the day before and of the selling. But I knew I had to do it.
"How will you ever know that you can stand up in front of them unless you do it? How will you ever know that you can be successful unless you try? How will you know if you don't give it a chance?" that was the questions I had for myself. And those questions are what made me do it. Granted the outcome of that event was wonderful and very tiring I still must keep in mind that it was only one step into overcoming this fear.
I need to give people a chance to be in my life, I need them to give me a chance to be in their lives and I need to give people in general a try. I know things will not always come out the way I would like them to be and I know that I will not always have a positive look on everything but even though I may still get nervous and even though I may still get the trembles, I will no longer let the fear hold me back.
I have to give my life a chance! I have things that I want and things that my heart needs but if I don't give in and try then those things will not come to past. I also know that I am somewhat of an introvert and there are times that I do need to be alone to "recharge my batteries" but at least I will be able to say that I did it. It is time. Time to let go of my fear, I'm giving people a chance. But if I do need time to myself please let me be :-)
Born in the city and raised in the mountains of Ky. Taking on life one day at a time!