"Life is not counted in years, it is counted in moments"
Love, a word that makes you smile and cry at the same time. This word is lovely and warm, yet, it can be scary. It's a word that we learn has multiple meanings and uses as children. I use to have a hard time with that word, love, especially when it came to self love. I'm not talking about narcissism, that's an entirely different thing, but I'm talking about accepting yourself for who you are, being comfortable with how God made you, and loving being you. That's something I couldn't do for years.
Oh yes, I liked myself, but I didn't love me. I didn't accept me for all that I am and appreciate every "scratch and dent" that made me who I am. I liked the fact that I am unique. I'm blessed with many gifts, but I wasn't satisfied that I could not master them all and be comfortable with that. I like my eyes, their color, and their shape, but my lips, well that's a different story. That was the way I felt about myself when I would stare into the mirror. I was always liking something but not loving it. But now, NOW, I'm ok with me! Even the things I didn't like, I now love. I love me! And I'm comfortable saying that. It took me a while to get to this point, and I struggled to learn how, but I truly do love me for being me.
Everyone is unique, and I had to show myself that this fact included me too. First, I had to learn how to stop comparing myself to others. It made me lose confidence. I became jealous and wished I was them. But in my comparing myself to others I learned to see and focus on my own uniqueness. I discovered and uncovered me, and found out what truly made me, PhiLana, who I am. I had to stop looking at what others had with jealousy or envy, and be grateful for what I have in my life and who I am with appreciation and gratitude. I have a job, wonderful loving people who accept all of me, a roof over my head as well as clothes on my back. You see, I learned to be grateful for what was in my life as a prerequisite to loving it. For everything in my life is apart of me and who I am.
I also had to realize that the pain that I was holding onto in my heart from the past had to go! In order to love me I had to give myself a new beginning. One filled with forgiveness, care, joy, and compassion. I had to forgive those that done me wrong as well as forgive myself. It was hard to learn to forgive, but even harder to learn to love again.
I wasn't able to give, receive, or even recognize love until all of the unprocessed and toxic feelings in my heart was removed and the mending process was completed. Once again, I had to feel the love that was inside of me, give it myself, and love me. I had to accept me for who I am, feel worthy of being loved, tell myself I am good enough even though I'm not perfect, and that I am worthy. When I learned to love me, I was also now ready to love others, and I find that this is more sweeter than the love I found for myself.
It's amazing to realize that giving love is even more sweeter and powerful than loving yourself. Loving others is what life is all about and I'm finding that this is the true reward behind all of this.
In short, in learning to become vulnerable to love, I've come to love and accept every little quirk and uniqueness that I embody. In addition, this has empowered me to be a more loving person empowered to have compassion for others and accept others for who they are! Love, I find is more powerful, beautiful, and infinite then I'll probably ever realize!
Born in the city and raised in the mountains of Ky. Taking on life one day at a time!