When I was typing my name for this blog I thought wait what is my last name? I am in a transition in my life, where my last name isn't my name. See, I'm newly divorce and I'm trying to get all the proper paperwork together so that my name will be changed on every-little-thing. Therefore, during this process I'm being called by my married name and maiden name. This had me thinking "Who am I?" and "What's my name".
Your name is your identity, I know PhiLana, I know Yvette; but put a last name on there and that's a different person. My last name used to be Walker; PhiLana Yvette Walker. I know her, I grew up with her, she has been there for me from day one. But then I got older - as we all do - fell in love, got engage, got married, and in honor of my husband I took his last name. I changed my last name for this man, I was no longer me. I became a wife, a Mrs., a pair... I became a Thomas.
Walker is my family name and Thomas is my name, so; getting divorce has me torn. Because changing my name from Walker to Thomas I wasn't turning my back on my family, I wasn't shunning them; I was giving them a bigger family. We were becoming a stronger, better, loving family by adding to us. Therefore taking his name was defiantly not a big deal; it was a honor! But now... now I am supposed to either choose to stay a Thomas or go back to Walker. Yes, the Thomas family has embraced me and each one has told me that we are still family and will always be family. Yes, my family has embraced me and each one has stood by me, cried with me, and loved me. Both families have been there before the marriage, during the marriage, through the divorce, after the divorce, and I can still count on each and every one of them. How can I choose? I feel as if I will be taking away what the other one has given me.
Going back to Walker doesn't let people know that I once was married. Sure my marriage didn't go the way I thought it would but I'm not ashamed of it any longer. I want people to know my story, my struggle, the good times, the bad, and all of that happened to PhiLana Yvette Thomas. At the same time keeping Thomas doesn't completely help me either. It does tell everyone that I was married, that I still have a extended loving family, but if I keep it, doesn't also say that I'm trying to hold on? Don't get me wrong I was very much in love with my ex-husband and I thought that no other man would ever fill the place in my heart the way he did. But after everything that I went through, all of that went away, I'm no longer in love with him. But, I love the Thomas family and that's the part I want to keep. So I thought, "How can I honor both of my families without hurting either one?" I wasn't sure at the time.
People in the Bible times really didn't have last name as we do now. They had titles such as "Jesus of Nazareth, "Jesus the Christ", or "Jesus Christ", which means "Jesus who is the Christ". Also "Matthew the tax-collector" which reveals his occupation. "Aaron the Levite" which reveals the tribe. Not only in the Bible but also in history, we have "Duke of Normandy", "Elizabeth, Queen of England", and many more. Also, say there is a blacksmith named John well he might be known as "John the blacksmith" or "John Smith". Well then, if John Smith has a son and he named him Kevin, then his son will be known as "Kevin the Smith's son" or "Kevin son of John Smith". My point is that last names still say a lot about who you are, even to this day. I want to be known for all of my identity: the good, the bad, the ugly, the happy, and sad.
When my father passed away I was still a Thomas but for some reason on the pamphlets I told them to put me as Walker. Well, I thought "I guess I made a decision, I love my father and I wanted his last name back." Also I started thinking that with all of my future plans I want my father's name to be associated with it. So, that's it, I'm going back to being
PhiLana Yvette Walker.
No matter what choice I made, I do realize that I am me. I am a Walker and a Thomas and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Born in the city and raised in the mountains of Ky. Taking on life one day at a time!