“Adversity is like a strong wind. I don't mean just that it holds us back from places we might otherwise go. It also tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that afterward we see ourselves as we really are, and not merely as we might like to be.”
Trials, disappointments, sadness, sickness, and heartaches--ADVERSITY!!!
Much to my dismay adversity is a part of life that we all must experience. Trials in times of sickness, death, and/or by the doings of others all have found their way to my door on many occasions. For none of us are exempt.
All I could do was ask, "WHY!"
"Why does this have to happen to me?!"
"Why do I have to suffer?!"
"Especially when I was not in the wrong!"
"Why, why, why??!!!??" I screamed!
I became trapped. Trapped in an emotional take over that I will refer to as the "Why Me Trap". Unfortunately once again I fell into it.
You see, I'm an emotional person that doesn't take to well to being emotionally hurt. I'm very guarded when it comes to my emotions, and I may at times seem to be without them. I would rather feel the sting of a paper cut then have someone hurt me. I don't like crying, and I try my best not to do it. And when someone hurts me hard I erase them from my life. I get rid of everything about them, and I mean everything. Pictures, clothes, notes, whatever, it all goes. And if I'm not real close to their friends even they go. Yes, eventually in time I get around to forgiving them but they will still be erased from my life.
Earlier this year I experienced yet another adversity in my life. But this time I did something different. I didn't erase the person. I will admit that at first I did give into the "Why Me Trap." You know the why did this have to happen to me and such. But when they asked for my forgiveness, at first I thought…
"Forgive you, you who has now become one of those people!"
"Forgive you who has made me ache!"
"You who has made me suffer and got me all torn up!"
" Forgive you!"
"The one who has done this inner damage to my heart!"
But yet I said, "Yes." How could I have not said yes. They are here staring at me and looking into my eyes asking for true forgiveness. What type of person would I be to hold something like that against them. Yes, I will, I had to, and thus I did. "Yes," I will forgive you.
That made me think of how I would love to do that to those whom I have hurt. It was such an enlightenment to me. Wouldn't it be nice to go to the person that you have offended and caused to experience adversity and just say I'm sorry please forgive me. And then they say, "Yes, I will forgive."
And then the hurt, brokenness, and pain are gone! Well, we all know it doesn't work that way, but we can use these experiences as lessons to learn from.
I didn't delete that person out of my life. I wanted them to stay, and I'm so glad I did. By responding differently I felt that I got stronger on the inside as well as on the outside. I found out that I was asking the wrong question. I should've been asking the question of what instead of why.
"What is it that I'm to learn from this?"
"What do I need to change?"
"What do we need to do in order to move on?"
I never thought that a small word such as WHAT would be helping me in overcoming adversity.
While we learn how to overcome adversity and steer away from the "Why Me Trap," we should keep in mind that we are not perfect, and that adversity is just a part of life. I wish you all fulfillment as you continue to work on your emotional strength and courage.
You've heard of the saying, "Hurt people, hurt people."
Well I say…."Forgiven people, forgive people" ~ PhiLana Yvette
Born in the city and raised in the mountains of Ky. Taking on life one day at a time!